Drinking Game: Twilight

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Twilightlogo.jpgThis series catapulted itself so quickly into mainstream consciousness that I don't even count this as nerd culture anymore. It's just garbage. But because every single news and media outlet is hyping this tripe all week, I feel compelled to say something about it (And apparently if you want any web traffic at all or if you just want to print money, the surefire way is to do something relating to Twilight.)

Yes, I read the books because I'm in publishing and I had to see what 8.5 million books sold in less than four years looks like (ah, the lowest common denominator), but frankly, I can't stand the books and the movie looks horrifically laughable.

Horrifically laughable...I may be onto something...

For those of you who are being forced to watch the movie by friends and want to have some semblance of a good time and a good laugh, I present to you: The Twilight Movie Drinking Game.

The rules:
Twilight stare.jpg- Every time Edward and Bella stare intently at each other for three or more seconds, take a drink. (Truth be told, you only really need this one rule to get wasted.)
- Every time Bella falls, trips or stumbles, take a drink.
- Every time teen girls in the audience cheer when a character appears on screen, take a drink.
- Every time a guy in the audience cheers when a character appears on screen, take two drinks.
- Every time the vampires sparkle, chug until they stop sparkling.
- Every time Bella jumps Edward's bones, chug until Edward pushes her off.
- Every time the camera sweeps nauseatingly from different directions to disguise how poor the acting is or how little is actually happening on screen, drink.
- Every time one of the actors takes the direction "look like a vampire" and translates it as "look strung out", drink.
- Every time you hear a direct quote from the book and you realize how awkward it truly sounds when spoken, take a drink.

Honorable mention rules:

- Every time someone in the audience SCREAMS in terror, take a drink.
- Every time Edward looks hideous, drink. (rejected on account of subjectivity: If it was me, I'd be drinking every second he was on screen)
- Every time one of the supporting school cast members acts so awkwardly it's painful, drink.
- Every time there's gratuitous open-shirt action, DRINK.
- Every time there's gay fanservice, CHUG until it's over. (It wouldn't be a vampire movie without it, I guess!)

ETA of complete wastage: 20 minutes. Enjoy!

(For the record, I advise buying a ticket for another show if you are being forced to see this movie. It in no way deserves the millions of dollars those teeny-bopper kids have thrown at it.)

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6 Comments

Haha. I agree, all the little kids are into it. It's disgusting that there's a sex scene for little kids to read in the last book.

I only know this cause my little 12 year old niece is SO into this...

Stephanie meyer is just a hack.

She grabbed some Anne Rice novels, turned all the characters into teenagers, took out all the stuff that's R rated, and spat on it a few times until it looked different. Instant profit!

"- Every time Edward looks hideous, drink. (rejected on account of subjectivity: If it was me, I'd be drinking every second he was on screen)"

My wife agrees with this. She doesn't get why he's supposed to be "hot".

ALL my 6th grade female students LOVE this movie, while I've never heard about it until now. What's the deal? (Although I do have a soft spot for female vampires)

LOL. I'm proud of you guys for playing this game. That is all.

Oh man, Rob, you'll be sorely disappointed in the Twilight movie. AVOID, AVOID!

TOTAL hack, but she's making money. Ridiculous amounts of money! How?! How!?!?! And how did that movie make money?! I can't understand the many, many repeat viewers. I swear there was subliminal messaging within the image of Edward sparkling that I didn't get because I was laughing so hard, I was crying.

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